


Big Boss and Pals Save Christmas!

by Meteors



Category: Be Calm, Dead Rising, Homestuck, How to Train Your Dragon (2010), Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, Metal Gear, Mother - Fandom
Genre: Christmas, Crossover
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-12-21
Updated: 2011-12-21
Packaged: 2017-10-27 16:02:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/297600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meteors/pseuds/Meteors
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Big Boss has always believed in Santa (it's canon you know!) and it's no wonder that Christmas is his favorite holiday! When news reaches Mother Base that Santa has gone missing, it's up to Big Boss and a cast of unlikely friends to help save Christmas!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Big Boss' Ho-Ho-Horrible Discovery

The entire mess hall had grown eerily silent after Big Boss had used one of his men to break a table in half with a might CQC throw. Whispers shot around like bullets ricocheting off steel walls, but the soldiers of MSF knew to keep their words brief. When the big man was in a mood like this, anyone was fair game.

"Say it again." Big Boss said with his gruff voice. It commanded an answer despite it hardly being at the volume of a normal speaking tone. The soldier gurgled and whimpered a bit. Snake growled and threw the cigar he had been smoking to the ground. The collective sphincter of every MSF soldier clinched. That soldier must have been talking about something horrible. Treason? A one eyed monster joke?

The soldier tried to pull himself up, but his arms buckled beneath his body and the room began to spin. No amount of training could really prepare one for Big Boss' throws. He was simply the best there was, and this time, he was furious.

"Hold on, Boss." MSF's number two said slowly standing up. "We have a brig for a reason. There's no need for you to dirty your hands with an insubordinate." Kaz tugged at his collar uneasily and motioned for two larger soldiers to aid the commander.

Big Boss threw up a hand and Kaz and his men immediately sat down. The man's eye narrowed on the soldier who was just now realizing what had happened to him. "Tell your comrades what you said." He demanded.

"B-Boss! I-I was k-kidding!" He let out another groan as he was suddenly lifted from the floor and was put into a choke hold. "Gyerk! I-I-I said only a baby would believe in Santa Claus. I-I was t-t-talking about that guy from Intel who was dr-droning on and on about that guy! Ha ha ha, wh-what a coward, r-right?"

The soldier found himself slammed into another table and was now covered in someone's creamed corn. The guy from intel shrunk in his seat once Big Boss turned his eye on him.

"So you believe in Santa Claus?" Big Boss said lighting another cigar. "Do you _really_ believe in Santa?" A half grin spread across his lips, but with a man like him, it could have been one indicative of another bit of disciplinary action instead of one of good will and genuine amusement.

The underling awkwardly shot up from his seat and saluted. "Boss sir, yes sir, sir, sir, yes sir, Boss, sir, Boss Big, er, Big Boss!" He was nervous. Just like everyone else. He shrunk back once his boss slowly started for him and raised an arm. This was it. He was about to get his lights punched out too. He quickly scolded himself for not eating more protein. Surely, if he had, the impending beat down would be more bearable.

Instead of using CQC to maim another grunt, Big Boss put a hand on his shoulder and smiled warmly, something much more shocking than the sudden slamming. Gasps escaped the lips of nearly every MSF soldier in the room. "Hey, good to know. So do I. Do you think you were nice this year? I really hope I don't get any coal..." He grunted and thought of the prospect of getting a lump of the black stuff in his stocking as opposed to the brand new sidearm he had wanted since June. "Hrrrrng, I'll be sure to say thank you more often just in case." He patted the soldier on his back and nodded. "Merry Christmas."

As Big Boss walked by, he grabbed his chicken leg from his plate and made it a point to walk across the infidel who had mocked dear old Saint Nick. Kaz hurried after him and ordered the kitchen staff to clean up the mess that had been made. _Someone_ had to motivate these people.

"Boss, I wanted to remind you that I reserve the right to keep my belief, or lack thereof, regarding Santa, to myself." The number two said following his honcho to the situation room. It was time to check for any requests and dispatch any squads to various parts of the globe that needed help.

"Kaz, I think you're getting coal either way." Snake said with a chuckle. "Believing now won't help you. I only did that to prove a point. When that kid insulted his fellow soldier about what he believed in, especially his belief in Santa of all people, he insulted me, and he insulted...." He drifted off. He and The Boss had taken Christmas _very_ seriously. His arm ached recalling the punishment he had received for not leaving Santa enough cookies. He was lucky to ever recover.

"Ah, Boss, Kaz. I was just about to call you guys in." Huey said turning away from his keyboard. "I've got some good news for the troops." He beamed and consumed an entire candy cane in one bite. "We've got no requests for aid. Apparently the world must have answered all of those peace on earth Christmas wishes!" He laughed to himself and pushed his glasses up his nose. "Ahem, but in all honesty, it looks like everyone can have Christmas safe and sound tonight."

Big Boss nodded, but then a blip caught his eye. He walked over to a monitor and pointed at it. "No requests? Then what's this one?" He tapped the screen and Huey rolled over to it.

"Oh that? I think it's a prank from Intel." He laughed again and shook his head. "Apparently we got a distress signal from Santa's Workshop, and get this Boss, Santa has gone missing!" He snorted and nearly fell out of his wheelchair. Kaz smirked to himself, but immediately put on his poker face. Big Boss looked very distressed.

" _Santa has gone missing?"_ Big Boss said slamming his fists on the keyboard. "Huey, that isn't a laughing matter. Without Santa, there won't be a Christmas. Good boys, girls around the world will go without getting their presents!" He bit hard into his cigar and clenched his fist. "The world will be thrown into sorrow and a nuclear holocaust would be a better alternative than to live a life without Santa Claus!"

Huey furrowed his brow and typed some mumbojumbo into the computer. He soon looked worried. "Intel says it wasn't their doing, and I believe them. My tracing shows that the call _did_ originate from the North Pole...but there's something more that we should worry about, if this is true." Huey swallowed hard and let out a wavering breath. "With Santa captive, there will be no one to unfreeze time."

"Unfreeze time?!" Big Boss said shooting a horrified look to Huey.

"Yes, recent scientific findings prove that at midnight on December 24th, the temporal powers that be "readjust" themselves. Santa somehow, is the person responsible for allowing the timestream to 'hiccup' and get out of that readjusting phase. Without him, time won't advance and it'll be midnight on Christmas Eve forever!"

"And what does that actually matter?" Kaz said raising an eyebrow from behind his sunglasses. "What does this do to the world? More importantly, what's this mean for MSF?"

Huey shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. "If Santa is truly captured, then whoever has him will likely try to abuse his power to teleport around the world and mess with time and space for their own gain! We could have an army of terrorists who could strike at any time and at any location without so much as a warning!"

"How much time do we have?!" Big Boss yelled tightening his bandanna and combing his beard into a battle ready style.

"I estimate that while we were talking, time has already begun to stretch itself out. Take a look at the clock, it's not a minute past eight! Every cutscene we've ever had is nearly half an hour! Based on my calculations, we have a while before time and space face any issues, and I doubt Santa would fork over his info to a bunch of naughty people!"

"Where do we begin? Do we just fly to the North Pole?"

"Normally, I would suggest that, but the report from the North Pole says that Santa was doing a practice run of his night, as he usually does, and suddenly went missing at his very first stop! The address is...1458 E. Racoon Rd in Utah. I think we should be able to find some clues there!"

"Alright, I'll suit up. Kaz, you and Huey keep everyone calm. I'm going alone. We've got no time to waste..."

 

And thus Operation: Present Bringer began....


	2. Operation Present Bringer Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chuck Greene is busy preparing for Christmas, but when an unlikely intruder is caught putting his friend Frank West in a chokehold, he gets ready to deck some halls.

"Hey Chuck, is it cool if I touch your couch?" Frank West called from the Greene family's living room. "Don't worry about me getting it dirty, I already put all the crumbs on the floor so you can vacuum them up later, ok?" The hero of the mall outbreak laughed. Everything was a joke to him.

Chuck was in his workshop finishing up some last minute gifts and cringed. "Frank, I'm gonna make you live in my basement if you keep doing this. You've already turned my daughter into a walking hurricane. You don't walk into someone's house and tell their kid that it's ok to knock over soda and not pick it up just because at Uncle Frank's Pad, anything goes." He knew he was being ignored once he heard Frank turn the TV up.

"So you saved a mall full of zombies and helped me track down Phenotrans, but you can't pick up crumbs? Yeesh." Chuck muttered. His profound buttchin clenched and he took a deep breath. He was busy duct taping a car battery to a toy Megaman Mega Buster. He wanted his daughter to not just experience Megaman, but _live_ Megaman. Plus, it would help protect her from any wayward zombies...just in case any were still around.

Chuck nodded to himself as he gazed upon his creation. "Should I put some nails through it?" He said while thinking out loud. "I think if a zombie were to go after Katey, she'd hit it instead of shoot it." He mumbled to himself and started driving nails through the car battery. He was a whiz with household junk you know. He had made Frank a chest hair trimmer out of a bowie knife and a power drill (and some duct tape of course) and was certain it would be the best combo weapon/present her had ever received.

"Hey Frank, you've got to remember to leave some of those cookies out for Santa you know. He'd be pretty pissed if you ate them all." Chuck called out. He awaited a retort. Nothing. "Frank, I said stop eating the cookies because Santa would get mad." Not even a quip. Chuck scowled and left his workbench. He walked through the rest of his garage and back into the house and tensed up once he heard Katey scream.

"Dad! Santa's here and he's choking Uncle Frank and he only has one eye and there's an airplane on our lawn!" Chuck's blonde daughter rushed into the garage and his behind his leg. That must have explained the plane engine noises he had heard before.

"Wait here, kiddo. I've got this." Chuck said grabbing two fire axes and a sledge hammer he kept around _just in case._ He hastily taped them all together to create what he called "The Defiler" and rushed into his living room. There he found a one eyed, bearded man fighting with Frank West.

"I told you buddy! I don't know anything about Santa going missing!" Frank spat trying to pry Big Boss' fingers from his throat.

"Oh really? How do you explain the empty sled on your roof, big boy?" Big Boss said fighting to keep the man held.

Chuck swung at the intruder who expertly rolled out of the way and drew his traq gun. "Hold it right there, Captain Mullet. You're not robbing us and ruining our Christmas. Drop the weapon."

"Nice try." Big Boss said. "Why don't you drop that duct tape abomination and lay down on the ground next to the fat guy. You've got Santa's sleigh on your roof and something tells me you knew what happened to him."

"What is he talking about, Frank?" Chuck yelled.

Frank West shook his head and coughed a bit. "Forgot to tell ya. I thought I heard Santa on the roof earlier and some kind of fight. Neighbor called and said there was a sleigh on the roof. I thought it was just you being all, yanno, holiday spirity."

Everyone in the room looked at Frank. Chuck Greene immediately turned his attention to Big Boss who had come in through the chimney.

"So who are you? One of his six foot one inch, one eyed elves?"

"I'm investigating Claus' disappearance. My Intel tells me that he was abducted while doing his practice flight which starts at your house...the sleigh is up there with some evidence and I thought I might find more down here..."

"Santa is missing...?" Chuck said dropping his weapon. "Hey hold on, pal. What's your name, and how do I know you're not just trying to cover your own ass?"

Big Boss stepped forward and pulled out a red and green card from his belt.

 

 **INTERNATIONAL SANTA SOCIETY: CHARTER MEMBER**

 **NAME: BIG BOSS**

 **YEARS BELIEVING IN SANTA: TOO MANY TO COUNT**

 **NICE: 100%**

 **NAUGHT: 0%**

 **POSITION: CLUB PRESIDENT**

 

Chuck went pale. "Big Boss? Like Cold War Big Boss...more importantly, ISS PRESIDENT Big Boss?" Chuck pulled out his own card.

"Nice to see a friend." Boss said nodding. "Look, I can pay you for the damage to your lawn, but we've got to go. A man of mine helped me fix the sleigh on your roof so we can jet out of here and head to the North Pole. It's programmed to track Santa down no matter where he is. No reindeer, just advanced technology."

Things were happening very fast, but Chuck nodded. "Frank, you stay here and guard Katey, got me?"

"I gotcha, Chuck. Be careful out there. And take this with you. Consider it my early present." Frank smirked and handed Chuck a new Combo Card.

 

 _Combo Card Get!!!!_

 _CANDY PAIN_

 _Candy Cane + Bowie Knife_

 _"Someone is going to wish they got coal instead of a stab wound"_

 

"Look, this is great, but we've got to get a move on. Merry Christmas, and sorry about the whole choking." Boss said to Frank who simply nodded.

"Hey, if anything, the bruises on my throat have to be worth a fortune. A guy like you is pretty famous." Everyone laughed and Chuck and Big Boss climbed back onto the roof and input the coordinates into the very high tech sleigh that belonged to Santa.

They shot off to places unknown....


End file.
